• Courtney McLane Mize


Updated: Sep 6, 2018

Hi everyone!

I am so excited to be writing the first official blog post of 2018. This post is about something so near and dear to my heart, but something that has always been really difficult for me to wrap my head around. Today we are taking a deeper look into what it means to be a godly wife. I am in this season of engagement, preparing to be a wife (literally in 138 days, omg) and while I have always prayed, especially during my season of singleness, that the Lord would grow me into the future wife that He wanted me to be, I have always struggled a little bit with what the Bible says a wife should be. When I hear things like “submissive” and “quiet”, I can’t help but be instantly turned off by those words. Please tell me I am not the only one who feels this way! I mean honestly, submissive? The heck if I am going to sit back and let some man walk all over me and be controlling. Quiet? You best believe that if I am upset with you, I’m going to tell you.

Tyler and I watched a sermon this weekend from Pastor Michael Todd at Transformation Church titled Major Keys To Marriage, part four of his relationship series. If you have not heard Michael Todd before you need to go look him up ASAP. He is seriously le-git. Now if you are reading this feeling like you’re about to exit off this page because this sermon or post won’t apply to you, you’re single, you’re dating someone but it’s nothing serious, you’ve been married for fifteen years so you’re past the point of needing more marriage advice, STOP! DO NOT EXIT! I promise you this sermon was fire, dropping some real, raw truths that will either help set you up for a successful marriage someday, help you improve your hurting marriage, or help make your beautiful marriage even better. I am taking just some of what I learned, and passing it on to you!

Okay, now to the good stuff. Pastor Michael and his wife talk about the four major truths that everyone needs to know in regards to marriage. When they were covering communication, traits of a godly wife were brought up. This is what got me thinking about my understanding of how to be a godly wife, and what helped me realize that my perception miiiight be a little skewed.

Let’s start off by debriefing Colossians 3:18. “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” There’s that submit word. What does that even mean? Well I can tell you one thing, it does not mean allow yourself to be a doormat for your husband. It does not mean that by gaining a husband, you lose your sense of value and succumb to whatever behavior he is throwing at you. We are so used to giving submission such a negative connotation that we often times misunderstand what God is trying to tell us here. There are a few things to consider with this word “submit”. The first is that as a godly wife, we are called to channel our servant heart. What do you think of when you hear the word wife? Maybe, caregiver? Maybe, the person who takes care of the home? Maybe, the person who fixes dinner? Are those not servant-hearted characteristics? One form of submission is submitting to your husbands needs and putting them above your own.

Marriage is intended to be a selfless covenant between three people, not a selfish battle between two.

Being submissive means being at rest. When children obey their parents, they are submitting themselves to the expectations placed in front of them. When you go get your hair done, you are submitting yourself to whoever is standing behind that chair and trusting that they will leave you looking #flawless, am I right?

Being submissive to your husband is not something to be looked down on. It simply means that you are giving him the space to grow in his role as the godly leader of your family. We, godly women, godly wives, should practice submitting to our husbands the way we practice submitting to Christ.

Now let’s jump ahead nine books. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says “Let your beauty not be external-the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes-but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s sight”. Gentle and quiet? Gentle isn’t so bad but quiet? I don’t love the sound of that. At least, I didn’t love the sound of that until I had a better understanding of what it actually meant. Both words represent similar behaviors. Quiet, or shaqat in Hebrew, does not necessarily mean physical silence. It does not mean that wives should avoid being honest and speaking their mind. It does not mean timid. However, it does mean calm or peaceful. Quiet means that your husband should not have to worry about what version of you he will get tomorrow. It means that regardless of whether or not you are in a good place with each other, when he comes home from a long day at work, you will be there to greet him with a hug and an I love you.

And gentle! Gentle is often associated with the word soft. Another translation for gentle is tender. Michael Todd’s wife even says humble. When you act like you know-it-all, you are destined to isolate yourself. When you speak in a negative, degrading tone about how you wish things were, you are setting yourself up to have your words and your feelings dismissed regarding how things currently are. Women were created to be encouragers; to manifest a sense of peace so that their families feel comforted.

Gentle means that you exude a tender, loving spirit that represents the tender, loving spirit the Lord showers on you.

So what are the take-away’s from all this? What highlights can we pull out of the past 1,009 words? Know that when it comes to being a godly wife, you don’t have to lose a part of yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of, walked on, or treated in any way that is less than what the Lord would want for you. Being a godly wife means submitting to your husband by loving him with a servant heart, the way Jesus loves the church. It means that you must be quiet by encouraging a sense of peace and stability in your home, and it means that you should be gentle with your words and how you handle your husbands heart.

I am so thankful for this season of engagement and the chance to learn about what it means to be a godly wife. I’m not a perfect fiancé, and I won’t be a perfect wife, but I think that if we, as god-fearing women, have a clear understanding of our role as wives, we can seriously change the marriage game. Let’s lean into learning what we are called to do as a spouse, a life partner, and fill ourselves up with Jesus so that when we stand at the altar with our person, and every day after that, Jesus is all that pours out.

Love you guys, xo

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